big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Farmville is her only friend.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
