Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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