cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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