I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
