I wish life had little blips of pornography
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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