Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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