I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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