im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
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