where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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