You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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