oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
