You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
