I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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