remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
