I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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