The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
