I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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