the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
