You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
