Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
