We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
