I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
