RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
