Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
