I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
