yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
lol hangovers are for mortals.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
