you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
