Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
