Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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