What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
