No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Im part way to drunk.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
