But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
