Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
