your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just tell him i said nine months
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
