insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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