My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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