yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
