I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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