I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
