A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
