I heard we made out
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
