its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
