We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
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