Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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