I look better un-naked...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
