there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
