You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
