He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
