I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
