my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
