My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
