I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
